Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I GIVE UP!

OK I've hit a wall, and I am just at a loss. I tried an egg-free, dairy free cake mix the other day and it was so-so. They made it with malted barley flour and you could definately taste the "malt". Today I made a cake that was in the what to expect book, and used one of the substitutes for eggs that the doc gave me, and it came out very chewy, sticky, etc. not fluffy like a cake... I gave pip a tiny piece and she gagged on it and threw up (not from allergy reaction, but because it was sticky). I swear I'm feeling like "mommy of the year" over here, just for trying to do the right thing. I introduce her to eggs so I can make her a cake and she breaks out in hives, I make her an egg-less cake and she vomits... I'm about to lose it. I am so sad. I fell like nothing that I try to do is right. And every time I try something and it doesn't work, I get a look from Dan like I shouldn't have tried it in the first place and what the !@#$% was I thinking...I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't have done any of this, made her a plain old cake for her birthday, and since it would have been her first exposure to everything, she wouldn't have had any allergic reaction (can't have a reaction until the 2nd time you are exposed). I know it probably seems like a stupid thing to be upset about but I just feel so awful. I feel awful for putting her through all of this, just so she can have cake on her birthday...just so she can be like every other kid who has a photo of their first birthday cake, with icing in their hair, and cake all over their face. But then I try to be the good mom, and make it a healthy cake, with no sugar, sweetend with fruit juice, made with whole wheat flour, etc etc. and instead I make her throw up.

I GIVE UP! Nothing that I do will be right. If I don't have a cake, the whole family will be "Why doesn't she have a cake" and if I make her a cake (without eggs) Dan will be flipping out the whole time, is she ok, is she going to puke, where's the epi pen...

Is it wrong for me to want a normal birthday for her with cake and ice cream and balloons... even though she's not supposed to have sugar or plain flour, or balloons? I know that what has happened with her allergy is not my fault, but I still completly blame myself. It's my fault because I introduced the eggs, it's my fault she threw up because I gave her the cake, it's all my fault.

7 Comments:

Blogger Nikki said...

awww...don't beat yourself up. None of this is your fault and your are the best mommy you can be. That's why you introduced the eggs to her early. I'm sure your family will understand why she can't have a cake on her birthday. I'll try to think of some alternatives. Don't give up, Chickie!

9:44 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

So sorry you are having to deal with this Maria!! As if ir's not hard enough just to plan a first birthday party! I found a website that you may have already seen but here is a link to it...
http://www.eggless.com/

11:00 PM  
Blogger Michele said...

It happens to us all. We do stuff that we think is right and sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. Don't beat yourself up. Just remember every day that you are doing the best you can!!!

8:49 AM  
Blogger SerenasMom said...

Awww don't worry, we all have our days like that! My daughter was also allergic to eggs earlier on, she'd break out in hives all over her chest and face but she did grow out of it and you'll be happy to know I fed my 18mo old eggs and cheese for breakfast yesterday and she was fine!

That being said, you can still have the things you want on her birthday, but just have special stuff for her! (What's wrong with birthday PIE or PUDDING anyway, who decided cake was the best dessert? I say, ice cream!!) Serena showed no interest at all in the THREE cakes I had for her first birthday, so there you go. There's a photo of her touching one cake, and then crying, and that's it.

- leslie aka iamserenasmom

12:07 PM  
Blogger Stacey said...

Was she allergic to the whites as well as the yolks, or just the yolks? If it was just the yolks you can make a cake with EggBeaters & it will have more of the fluffy cake texture.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ooooh, I'm so sorry Maria, this must be so tough for you!

Stacey (slkone)

12:03 PM  
Blogger Karyn Terlecky said...

I know how frustrated you must feel. Food allergies are pretty darn inconvient! Did you know I am allergic to eggs, and milk, The allergy is now much milder than in the past...I am back to just rashes.

What you can do is use apple sauce, apple jusice or other fruit jusice depending on your recipe (pineapple, grape) to act as your binding agent. It also adds sweetness.

I have a few cookbooks here if you want some recipes.

Miss ya!

7:34 PM  

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